Mike: (mike-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2009-03-20 10:50:38

Poor Timmy

I think we all, as men, have gone through this if we EVER needed "advice." It just makes no god damn sense half the time. It's contradicting and confusing unless it's not (yeah, see, it makes sense). "Show interest, but be sure to not show too much, but if you don't show any you're fucked. Have fun but don't be a dork having fun!" Such trash!

So, Resident Evil 5. I really don't play MANY video games. I mainly stick to like, the WoW addiction and Dawn of War 2 lately. I've saved a ton not playing shit else, but what can I say, RE4 rocked me. "OMG Co-OP?!" It's like they took a great game that made the franchise not annoying as fuck and then took what they learned and added you friend. Now if those fuckers could make their netcode work just a little fucking better....

So like I was saying, RE5 is smexy. We're around 3/4 of the way through it and I'm digging it. The cutscenes are coo for the most part and playing with a friend totally lets you play up the "OH MY GOD WHERE ARE YOU I'M DYING OVER HERE FUCKFUCKFUCK!" to the max. And the fact that you can carry weapons/items over from game to game is god damn genius. Tons of unlockables, etc etc. This will be played for a good bit.

And if you want to just add a little bit of spice. The game is not inherently racist, despite claims of the NAACP, Jesse Jackson, and others. So to please them we've started a new game.

"GOD, FUCK! FOREST WHITAKER IS TRYING TO SMASH ME!"
"What the hell do you want me to do about it? I have all the members of Sugar Hill trying to fuck my world up!"
"LOOK OUT! Timberlake is coming through the window!" (Yeah there's white guys, too)
"Get back to training camp, Manny!" *pow pow pow* (And some Mexican looking dudes)

You kill zombies (who once were) of all races and creeds. Let me say that again...

You kill... ZOMBIES... that happened to have once (before their period of undeath) been of a certain race.

I will fuck a zombie up. Male, female, white, black, family, friends, babies, dogs, cows, fish, koalas... if I see a giant panda, endangered or not, the WWF can blow me, that fucker is dying, and probably in a gruesome terrible way.